Learning from the past?

So, about two weeks ago I had a small breakdown. This is the first time it has happened since around the 1 year anniversary of the breakup. The ex, as previously mentioned, has been very friendly. It seems like whenever she calls to talk about our daughter, we end up in an actual conversation. I knew she was going to Disney with the new girlfriend. She knew better than to ask to take LP because it’s important to me that I be able to take her. I was already upset because when she and I were together, she never wanted to go ANYWHERE. So she tells me how she tried to rent Cinderella’s castle for the new gf. For some reason it just rubbed me wrong. EE and I went on one vacation in 10 years. Back in 2005, she won a free trip to Hawaii from her job. So we went to Hawaii for 5 days. It was gorgeous. However, she didn’t even want to go. She wanted to take the money instead. The only other “vacation” we went on was a weekend getaway to Lancaster, PA. She was just a homebody, and said that if we took the kids with us, it wasn’t a real vacation. So listening to her talk about trying to get the castle, etc. just put me back in a bad place. I felt myself start to break down. I told her I had to go. She heard the upset in my voice. She asked why I was crying, and I tried to explain to her. She said “well she has different interests than you” blah blah. I said “I asked you lots of times to go on a vacation and you always said no.”  I ended up telling her that it was still hard, and hearing how she does all these things she never did just upsets me. For the next two days I was in a major funk…crying a lot, hurting just like I had in the beginning.

So she just got back yesterday from this trip. Today, I happen to run into her in the grocery store (something else she never did with me, but does with the new gf). LP stayed with her and they brought her home on the way back from shopping. She then drops this bombshell on me: “So listen, would you have a big problem with me taking her on a cruise next year?” I told her I didn’t know and asked where. She said maybe the Bahamas!  I just felt a knife in my chest. First of all, I’m a single mom struggling to make ends meet, and she is taking vacations. Secondly, when her ex husband wanted to take her kids on a cruise, she said no way were they going out of the country! I mentioned that to her and her response was “Well he’s an asshole”. I really wanted to tell her I felt the same about her. I guess she is taking her children as well (she has 2 girls and the gf has a girl, all teens). I told her I wasn’t sure. She said she wanted to buy tickets soon. All I could think was “it must be nice to have money.”

I know they say we all learn from past relationships. But it hurts so much to see her doing all these things with the new gf that she would never do with me: travel, grocery shop, go to NYC (she hated the city). Plus the gf quit her job and stays home all day, trying to start up some business planning parties. If I had asked to just stay home and try some business she would have told me I was crazy. She would have said we didn’t have the money for me to stay home and put money into something that may or may not work out. Did she learn from what she did “wrong” with me? Or is it because the new gf is a much stronger personality, and supposedly has some money? And when will I stop letting stuff bother me? Maybe if I had a job and could afford to take my kids places, I would feel so bitter. A year and 5 months later and I still feel like I will never completely move on. This sucks!